Plankton, the Badass
by fuckshiru
Summary: This a story about Plankton being an anti-hero, after 2001 years into future.
1. Plankton the Badass

*My first shot at a story ~kingofdreams*

2001 years in the underwater, the sea requires a new hero, not SpongeBob or Aqua Man, but actually Plankton.

The phone rings, unfortunately while Plankton was watching lesbian porn and jacking off really hard.

**SpongeBob: **Hello?

**Plankton: **What the fuck do you want from me, you yellow fuckwit. I told you to fucking leave me alone while I'm jacking it.

(Yes, in this reality, Plankton finally got the Formula and Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and SpongeBob are now Plankton's slave)

**SpongeBob: **I'm sorry, master. But I just wanted to tell you something.

**Plankton:** It better be good, you yellow insufferable fucking moron.

**SpongeBob: **You know those robots back in 2003? They're back again.

**Plankton:** And why should I give a damn?

**SpongeBob:** They might destroy the sea. And without the sea you won't have anymore ass kissers servants. You stupid piece of shit.

**Plankton:** Fine.

-Plankton walks out of his mansion in a badass jacket, sun shades, and a motorcycle. (Does that sound familiar? Well, there is no black doom, pathways, or any of that mess.)

**Plankton:** I'm going to get this over with so I can finish watching my lesbo porn - which I stole from Mr. Krabs.

**Plankton: ***Uses his eye lasers to destroy the first set of robots* I love messing things up.

Plankton then gets off his motorcycle and uses his combat moves (Yes, In case you're wondering, Plankton is normal sized. He used the same invention he used back in 2005 to grow to that size.) He kicks the first robot in the balls, causing it to clutch it's robot-nads and blow up. He punches the second robot in the face, and he grabs his hand in pain as he realized too late that robots are made of metal.

**Plankton: **Shit! That hurts! How dare you hurt Plankton! I will send you to underwater HELL!.

Plankton unleashes a barrage or lasers from his eye and clobbers off a fuckload of robots. Then he finally destroys the last robot.

**Plankton:** Tenderize!

Plankton obviously had experience, because he has done this eleven times. This is his 12th. Plankton then calls SpongeBob on his cell phone.

**Plankton: **I did it, now will you fuck off already?

**SpongeBob: **Dumbass Plankton? You know there's more robots than that.

**Plankton: **Are you shitting me?

**SpongeBob: **Fuck you, asshole. No, sorry...

**Plankton:** Whatever, I'll kill them later.. I have some lesbo porn I need to finish.


	2. Plankton the Badass -Episode 2

So it's been 3 hours since Plankton destroyed the robots, and he was sitting on his couch, getting ready to jack off to some of his lesbian porn.

**Plankton:** I can't wait...

Plankton shoved the tape into the VCR (or whatever the hell it's called), grabbed this sex toy (that Karen made for him before they got divorced), and got ready. The VCR needed some time to set up, considering the fact that it's a VCR. After 3 minutes and Plankton sitting on his sofa like a farmer getting ready to fuck his cow, the loading finally ended, but it was not what he hoped.

**Plankton: **What the fuck is this?

The tape - it was lesbians all right. Two girls in a cup. Plankton was so pissed. Then he immediately turned off his VCR and turned on his T.V. and he got another surprise.

**Plankton:** Who in the name of ass do you think you are?

It was a crab that Plankton overtaken long ago.

**Mr. Krabs:** In case you're wondering where you're lesbian porn is...

He shows Plankton's lesbo porn hanging from a rope getting ready to fall in a toilet filled with shit.

**Plankton: **You insensitive fuck! Give it back! You don't know how much that means to me!

**Mr. Krabs: **Shut the fuck up, you green little shit! If you want your porn back, then come and get it, bitch. You have 2 hours!

**Plankton: **Don't talk to me like that, you moronic fucking dumbass!

**Plankton: **Fuck you, cuntrag!

**Plankton: **You hear me, fuckface, so answer!

After 1 hour of this nonsense, Plankton realized he wasted half his time arguing with Mr. Krabs. He immediately got on his motorcycle, grabbed his machine pistol, and got going.

Plankton was amazed there were no robots to blow up along the way. Plankton looked at his watch, and realized there was 15 minutes left.

**Plankton: **I have plenty of time left.

**Plankton:** There it is!

Mr. Krabs' house is still like it was. A rusty -slightly damaged to look badass- anchor.

Plankton made a beeline for the door, but he encountered one of his weaknesses - a locked door. Plankton banged helplessly on the door.

**Plankton: **Let me the fuck in! You hear me, asshole! Let.. me... in!

With only 10 minutes left, will Plankton ever get that fuckin' door open?


	3. Plankton the Badass -Episode 3

Loud, banging noises came from the door as Plankton yelled comments like "Shit" and "Let me in, you fuck!".

If you think about, though, Mr. Krabs is rightfully taking back what's his, because Plankton DID steal it. But Plankton doesn't give a damn. After enough pounding and screaming, the door bust open. I guess Mr. Krabs was so stingy about his money, he never bought a better door.

**Plankton:** Where are you, you money-hungry douche nozzle.

Plankton looked and looked, but that greedy son of a bitch was nowhere to be seen. He checked everywhere in his house (and in case you're wondering, Pearl is dead), searching quickly for that tape.

**Plankton: **You best tell me where you are, or when I DO find you, I'll cut off your eyes and shove them in your ass!

Plankton thought for a second.

**Plankton:** Where could a toilet be located at?

**Plankton: **The restroom!

Plankton headed for that bathroom, straight across from Mr. Krabs' room. But neither Mr. Krabs nor the Lesbo porn tape was there. Instead, Plankton found a note. The note read:

_"Dear Prickton, _

_You see that your porn is missing. You also see that fat fuck Mr. Kraut.. I mean Krabs is missing. Now if you want to save either one (because you probably don't give two shits about Mr. Kunt), bring your little one-eyed fucker face over here. We're behind the bargain mart._

_Sincerely, The Robots"_

**Plankton: **Are you fucking kidding me?

_PS: No, we're not kidding you._

Plankton threw his arms up in frustration. Plankton then went outside and got and saw his motorcycle was bashed out. Plankton has to travel through this shit on foot. The bargain mart was a mile away from Mr. Krab's house. And it looks like Plankton will need an ally to go with him...

**Plankton: **I can't believe I'm doing this.

Plankton was standing before a slightly rotten pineapple. He knocked on the door, and an stoned sponge answered.

**SpongeBob: **Uhhh... hey man.

**Plankton: **Listen kid, I need your help. Can you help me get my lesbo porn back? The robots are holding it hostage.

**SpongeBob: **Ummm, yeah, whatever man...

**Plankton: **Really! Thank you! Fucking sweet.

SpongeBob limped high-ly to the patty wagon. Apparently, he was able to buy a new one.

**Plankton: **Don't you need a license?

**SpongeBob: **You don't need a license to drive a sandwich, dude...

SpongeBob, obviously stoned, wasn't driving the right way.

**Plankton: **You fuckwit! Give me the wheel!

Plankton and SpongeBob switched sides on the boat.. I mean patty wagon.

With plenty of time to spare, will SpongeBob and Plankton make it to the fuckin' bargain mart?


	4. Plankton the Badass -Episode 4

Plankton blazed through the streets on the patty wagon. He was determined to get his lesbo porn back. It didn't take long, though, before SpongeBob found his right mind.

**SpongeBob: **Hey, what the fuck are you doing, asshole?

**Plankton: **Getting my porn back from those robotic cunts.

**SpongeBob: **You selfish prick. You're using MY car for your OWN needs.

**Plankton: **Did I mention that they have Mr. Krabs, too.

**SpongeBob: **Well, that changes everything...

SpongeBob and Plankton had to form an alliance. By going to the bargain mart, they can both get something out of that. For Plankton, his porn, and for SpongeBob, a big red bastard to suck up to. On the way there, Plankton and SpongeBob chatted away.

**Plankton: **How's Gary doing?

**SpongeBob: **He's in jail, probably getting his ass fucked. The slime makes a good lube.

**Plankton: **Oh.

They were almost there. Plankton stepped on the gas harder. Eventually, they made it there. Plankton went up to the door, but it was locked.

**SpongeBob: **Need help?

**Plankton: **Yes, goddamn it!

SpongeBob, with a determined look, stepped on the gas pedal hard, causing the engine to roar. Plankton already knew what was going on and moved the hell out of the way. The car, already at 200mph demolished the door and the windows of the bargain mart.

**SpongeBob: **I can fix that.

When they walked in, armed and loaded with machine pistols (that Plankton brought with him), they saw a dead robot. And they heard Mr. Krabs grunting in the back door. They made a beeline for that door and kicked it open, and they were surprised at what they saw.

**Mr. Krabs: **You want more, you little bitch?!

Mr. Krabs was beating the living shit out of a robot.

**Mr. Krabs: **What happened to all that bullshit you were saying? You're not saying it anymore.

Mr. Krabs shoved the robot headfirst into the wall, causing it to explode. Plankton and SpongeBob were very surprised they underestimated Mr. Krabs.

**Mr. Krabs: **If you came to rescue me, you've wasted your time. And Plankton, here's this for ya.

Mr. Krabs tossed a tape, saying "Hot, Sexy Action", with Plankton barely catching it.

**Mr. Krabs: **I managed to hear everything they said. They said something about a holding a "pink dickhead" hostage and stuff.

**SpongeBob:** You mean Patrick? Those fucking assholes!

**Plankton: **I have my porn back, so why should I give a fuck?

**SpongeBob:** Let's just say I know a way to watch nonstop sex action.

**Plankton: **Ok, I'm in.

**Mr. Krabs: **Me too. Before we start, let's rendezvous at the Krusty Krab. We're still in business.

So it's a done deal. They're on a mission to rescue Patrick. Will they be successful?


	5. Plankton the Badass -Episode 5

On the way to the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob knocked on Squidward's door.

**SpongeBob: **Hey Squidward, we're going on a rescue mission to save Patrick. Do you want to come with us?

**Squidward: **Hell no! I have a guest over, and I don't want her being chased away because of your dumbfuckery!

**SpongeBob: **Never mind.

SpongeBob caught up with Plankton and Mr. Krabs, who were already at the rendezvous point, in the Krusty Krab. Plankton was already having his doubts about teaming up with Mr. Krabs.

**Mr. Krabs: **It'll be quick. Here lads, lemme show you something.

Mr. Krabs, with a click on his cash register, caused the Krusty Krab to flip over. They all landed in a cave-like lair, filled with gadgets.

**Plankton: **How did you make this?

Don't be fooled by Mr. Krabs' seemingly ignorant attitude. Mr. Krabs was the most technical person in the war of Germany, leading Germany to a victory.

**Plankton: **Do you have a VCR in here?

**Mr. Krabs: **Sure do.

Mr. Krabs had a perfectly good T.V. with a VCR inside. Plankton immediately dashed toward the T.V., popped in his VCR, and sat back. The VCR took only 5 seconds to load, and the sexy action began.

**Plankton: **Sweet!

Loud, heaving moaning and breathing came from the T.V. The girl looked a lot like an anime character would. She moaned in a cute kind of way. Plankton placed his hands on the T.V., and he drooled. It made Plankton remember how he used to have sex with Karen. Right in the middle of the hentai porno, Mr. Krabs announced that he has found Patrick's location on the radar.

**Mr. Krabs: **Ah, I've got it! He's in the Mermalair.

The Mermalair used to be the hideout of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, but they went their separate ways. The Mermalair was never known of until robots discovered it a few days ago.

**Plankton: **Yes! It's walking distance from here!

**Mr. Krabs: **Wait, it says that Patrick is located in the security section. You know, the place where Mermaid Man used to capture Man Ray.

**Plankton: **Fucking asswhores!

**Mr. Krabs: **We better get there really fast. SpongeBob!

SpongeBob was wearing a sleeveless shirt, revealing his tattooed muscular arms. Guess all those days of lifting teddy bears paid off. SpongeBob threw Mr. Krabs and Plankton both a assault rifle.

**Plankton: **Let's roll!

The trio ran outside, armed and ready to blow some robots' heads off.


	6. Plankton the Badass -Episode 6

Soon enough, the trio were already near the Shady-Sholls retirement home. Robots guarded the way.

**Plankton: **I'll handle them!

Plankton snaps one of the robot's necks, and uses it as a weapon the kill the other robot. The he tries to kick the door open, grabbing his foot in pain.

**Plankton: **Shit! That hurts!

**Mr. Krabs: **All you have to do is this..

Mr. Krabs shoots the door with his assault rifle. The trio enters, but not after throwing a grenade in there.

**Plankton: **Now.. How do I get in.

**SpongeBob: **There is a couch. I think you have to move it... Ahh, there we go.

**Plankton: **I'll go first.

And the trio is taken all the way into the underground lair. The lair looks just as did back in 2002. Of course, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy were nowhere to be seen (because they went their separate ways). The trio were walking and they were caught by a robot.

**Robot: **Aha! Busted!

The robot hit a button that was able to call in reinforcements. And soon enough, a fuckload of robots came.

**Plankton: **Not so fast, you fuck!

Plankton destroys the robot that hit the button. But it was too late... 24 reinforcements came in!

Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob unload a whole clip of bullets. It did damage, but not enough to destroy them.

**Plankton: **You dumbasses! Your bullets won't do shit. You have to snap their necks or something!

To demonstrate, Plankton slams the robot's head to the floor, grabs it's arms, and stomps on it's back, killing it.

SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs understood. Mr. Krabs punched a robot in the face, knocking out it's robot-teeth and out of consciousness. He then uses the unconscious robot as a weapon to beat up 5 more robots.

SpongeBob used his strength to lift a robot, and body-slam it to the hard floor...

The small robots were no match for the three. One robot was laying on the floor.

**SpongeBob: **What did you do with Patrick? Is he still okay!?

SpongeBob was trying to hold the robot hostage. But the robot malfunctioned.

**Plankton: **Save your questions for when we actually find Patrick.

SpongeBob threw a grenade before the three went any further. When they looked further, they apparently destroyed 30 robots on guard due to the grenade. Their destination was not too far away.

The three rescuers were right near the room where Patrick is held at. Is Patrick even alive?


	7. Plankton the Badass -Episode 7

**SpongeBob: **I think I might go in first...

SpongeBob went in the room very slowly. He was nervous about it, but he ignored it and went in.

SpongeBob gasped at what he saw.

**SpongeBob: **Patrick, your arm!

SpongeBob saw Patrick's arm was missing.

**Patrick: **SpongeBob!

**SpongeBob: **Patrick, what happened to your arm?

**Patrick: **My arm is fine. I am a sea-star. I can regenerate limbs.

Patrick's arm immediately grew back.

**Patrick: **But my limbs can grow new bodies. They took another Patrick and have HIM captured.

Of course, outside of the room, Plankton and Mr. Krabs were waiting impatiently.

**Plankton: **Are you two done jacking each other off yet?

**SpongeBob: **Yes. Patrick is fine!

**Plankton: **Can we go home yet so I can watch the porn you promised me?

**SpongeBob: **Sure!

Right at that moment, a robot saw them and hit an alarm.

**Plankton: **HOLY FUCK! We need to get moving!

**SpongeBob: **That's the self-destruct alarm. WE HAVE 3 MINUTES.

The four immediately got going. They ran and ran.

**Patrick: **UHHH, is that the exit?

The four only had 30 seconds. It was all or nothing!

10... 9... 8...

They took no chances.

They escaped. You could see the explosion in the background...

**Patrick: **Bye Bye Mermalair...

The Shady Shouls resting home was ruined. The robots, however, were ruined too.

**Plankton: **Now where's the porn you promised me?

**SpongeBob: **I'll give it to you when we get home..

And the four stood before the burning house. Then they got bored and they all went home...


End file.
